If you have not read my One Act play called "God Dilemma" & the page "Is God your Ally?" stop and do so now, so that my further comments are set in context of my experience.
What I described is my unique experience which I do NOT see as your experience at all. We each have our own unique spiritual path to discover but few find mentors to help them develop the tools to make these spiritual connections in finding & developing their spiritual path & evolution. A Mentor walks the path with you, making suggestion but only you can make the choices right for you!